"Suddenly there was a great burst of light through the Darkness. The light spread out and where it touched the Darkness the Darkness disappeared. The light spread until the patch of Dark Thing had vanished, and there was only a gentle shining, and through the shining came the stars, clear and pure."
- Madeleine L'Engle, A Wrinkle in Time
April 1st is my best day. It's a day for surprises and good things. A day that's lucky.
Twelve years ago on this day, I went on my first date with Javi. We went to the park and ate ice cream bars with thin chocolate shells and sprinkles that were chalky and sweet. We rowed around a lake in a boat even though Javi couldn't swim and neither of us had ever manned any sort of sea-going vessel in our lives. When we finished our ice cream, there were fortunes printed on the popsicle sticks. I don't remember if they came true.
Seven years ago today, we won the ticket lottery to sit on the front row for the revival of West Side Story on Broadway. When the actors started to sing, Javi leaned over to me in the dark. "They speak to each other in English and Spanish," he said. "They're like us."
Five years ago today, we got married in Javi's hometown. I carried a book instead of a bouquet and Javi cut hearts and birds and the word 'love' into papel picado that we hung in the trees. We said our vows while Popocatépetl - the volcano that Javi grew up watching from his window - blew smoke in the distance. Our friends said it was good luck.
One year ago today, we found out Kobe was coming.
My Kobe. Someday you will be able to read this and there's something I want you to know.
I hope that as you grow up, you are a person of faith, whatever you decide that looks like for you. I hope that you believe in things outside of yourself - things like goodness and grace - things you can't see, but find evidence of in the world around you. It's okay if that faith looks different than mine or your dad's.
Someday, someone might tell you that you can't believe in both God and luck, but I think they're wrong. This world is a place of complexity and contradiction. Sometimes things that seem to be opposites can both be true. I have called you mine because we belong to each other, but also you belong to no one but yourself. I am a girl and you are a boy, and yet, for a while we shared one body. You are a citizen of a country that you've never seen, and a citizen of one that you open your eyes to every day. It is possible to hold things - like the truth and a vision of what your life will be - with both a determined grasp and an open hand. It's okay to believe that you are guided by love and grace, and that a single prayer can stand against the world's worst, most fearful things, and also believe in lucky days that don't come for any reason. They just come.